The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.: Am I The Only Person In America Who Didn't Like District 9?

9.10.2009:

Am I The Only Person In America Who Didn't Like District 9?

12:30 AM

Spoilers and shit below. You have been warned.

District 9 had good graphics. Yay.

District 9 had neat weapons. Good.

District 9 was shot well and had beautiful art direction and innovative storytelling and blah blah blah - did Peter Jackson actually just spend $30 million to tell me that apartheid is bad?

Seriously... Did this man just re-film Enemy Mine in the style of Cloverfield with better graphics to tell me it's bad to segregate, isolate, dehumanize and abuse an entire race of people? This really needed a full 2 hours to talk about?

Peter, U2 solved this problem back in the 80's, for fuck's sake! Mandella was freed in 1990 - starting off one of our greatest decades! Shit is fucking 19 years old, man. We get it - humans are dicks, and they are scared of things not like themselves. This was your plot?

I'm sorry folks, I know that District 9 is the big geek jerkoff this summer. But really, this wasn't a very good movie. It was a great reel for graphics professionals, and a fantastic opportunity to lampoon Hitler by way of a bumbling powerhungry South African with a tiny dick. But a good movie?

This fucker got rocket fuel in his eyes, and it morphed him into an alien being.

Rocket. Fucking. Fuel. Turned this guy into an alien. That's like huffing gas and becoming a turtle. And we're supposed to just buy that? He suddenly abandons his human need to use the toilet and is compelled to eat cat food... Yet he still loves his wife undyingly. AWWWWW UNDERNEATH ALL OUR COMPLEXITY WE'RE ALL THE SAME REALLY. Go fuck yourself.

Look, I want to be told a story. I don't want to be jerked off and made to feel superior because I, an audience member, can TOTALLY see the allegory to real human situations in a movie that's supposed to suspend my disbelief. And even if I did, I definitely don't want to see an evil dick turn into the hero because he just became that which he hates - because NO ONE suddenly sees the light when they realize they're becoming that which they hate... Not in real life, anyway. Usually they just put a shotgun between their teeth and struggle to get their toes into the pistol guard.

District 9 is a 6 at best, and I'm being generous. This movie does NOT rank in the upper echelons of sci-fi movie history. Blade Runner. Aliens. Star Wars. 2001. These movies instill awe every time you watch them, and are timeless and legendary. District 9 will NOT be in our collective consciousness in a few years, I guarantee it.

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8 Comments:

amy grace said...: Sure, but what about Districts 1-8?

:-P; 9/10/2009 1:38 AM
SexCpotatoes said...: Technically, shouldn't huffing gas turn you into an awesome dinosaur?; 9/10/2009 8:44 AM
Jason said...: Wow, thanks for this. With all the gushing about this movie, I felt like the only one in the world who didn't "get it."

I mean I thought it was an all right movie, but nothing amazing. I just couldn't find one character to get behind or even sympathize with. The Michael Scott guy basically slaughters a room full of babies (while they scream in pain) as part of his introduction. Then we are supposed to think he is awesome because he dons a MechWarrior suit for the climax?

And then we spend so little time with the lead alien (who I guess was supposed to be the real hero) that I just never saw him as "real." I mean how are we supposed to identify or care about a character that doesn't talk, emote, or even have facial expressions? I mean even R2D2 had his array of anthropomorphic warbles and beeps.

Eh, now you have me ranting, sorry. I am just excited to see someone have the same reaction I did.; 9/10/2009 8:57 AM
cycoivan said...: I too am sick of movies trying to bludgeon a stupid point in your head when you just want to watch a fucking movie. I personally have not seen District 9, but this sound very much like my thoughts on Happy Feet.

Essentially Happy Feet beats you over the head with an environmentalist message that you are an asshole for being a human (I'm paraphrasing here). That sucks, because it's a kids movie and most of the adults probably didn't want to see it in the first place. But everyone I knew is like "OMFG!11!1!! U need 2 watch this!"

To everyone who told me that: fuck you, I want my 2 hours back.; 9/10/2009 11:47 AM
Dan said...: Thanks for the heads-up, Joe. I saw that Basterds movie instead and laughed my ass off, especially when that kid played baseball with the Nazi's head and imitated a Fenway announcer during the swings. Good times, good times. You want media torture? Check-out my blog regarding Andy Rooney at the URL. Enjoy and relax; the demon has left your soul!; 9/10/2009 11:59 AM
Eliel Mamousette said...: Joe,
while I respect your not thinking the movie deserves all the hype that it got, I think you're off the mark to believe that the movie was "just" about apartheid.

This article is a pretty good summary of some of the larger things going on. Take a gander and let me know if that changes your views at all.

Also, if you've not yet, see the film "Alien Nation".; 9/11/2009 10:46 AM
Dave said...: I dare you to watch 2001 again and tell me it is still one of the greats.; 9/14/2009 3:17 PM
Demi said...: Yeah the apartheid is over but displaced people are only increasing in number.; 9/14/2009 4:13 PM

The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.

9.10.2009:

Am I The Only Person In America Who Didn't Like District 9?

8 Comments:

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