The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.: Alec Should Be A Falconer

8.24.2009:

Alec Should Be A Falconer

2:56 PM

My buddy Alec is exploring becoming a Falconer. But he is undecided.

I need your help convincing him to become a Falconer. And why?

Think about it - it's a job where you DRIVE A BIRD. That's what you do. You're a bird driver. For money. And it's not just any bird - it's a bird of prey that can tear your face off and eat it and then puke it back up and look at you and point it's wing in your now-eaten face and say "FUCK YOU. THAT'S WHAT'S UP." Plus, how many falconers do you know? NONE, that's how many. If you meet Alec, and he becomes a Falconer, your Falconer number goes up to one. That's in increase of infinity Falconers that you know.

And really, there's other cool gonna-kill-you animal trainers out there, but none of them have a single word using the name of the animal to describe it. There's Canine Specialists, Large Feline behavioral coaches, Elephant Trainers... And yeah, you could argue that herpetologists handle really mean vicious reptiles. But that isn't nearly as cool as falconer. You take the 'er' off Falconer, and you have someone who works with Falcons. You take the "tologist" off of herpentologist... Yeah, I don't want to be the guy who works with herpes. You?

The only real unknown for me is what exactly is the verb form of being a Falconer? Do you Falcon? Are you Falconing?

A baker bakes. A runner runs. A falconer falcons, right? But a carpenter doesn't carpen. More study is needed. But really, I think it should just be "To Falcon." Bitches better recognize my ability to Falcon. Well, not mine... Alec's, potentially. But you get what I'm saying.

But yes, everyone Twitter or Facebook or IM or otherwise pester Alec into becoming a Falconer.

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4 Comments:

Jeremy said...: It would certainly be a cool job, but don't expect to rely on the falcon. I once saw a documentary on Saturday Night Live where this poor guy was stuck under a log, do you think his pet falcon would go get help for him? no, of course not, stupid thing got sidetracked. So you gotta be weary of that.; 8/24/2009 6:25 PM
Jaguar said...: I actually already know a falconer!

But really besides for being cool, whats the point? I mean sure you can catch rabbits and all, but I could stick a shotgun out my window and get some rabbits too. Birds of Prey are really, really stupid too.; 8/25/2009 8:24 AM
Chris Collett said...: Falconers are becoming a commodity these days http://www.boston.com/news/local/connecticut/articles/2008/08/10/farmers_turn_to_falcon_to_help_guard_berry_crops/; 8/25/2009 9:46 PM
Jelly said...: I always thought it would be fucking kickass to be a falconer, but I just wouldn't be able to keep the bird out of the wild. It would make me sad.; 8/31/2009 8:43 PM