The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.: The Suckiest Suck In The History of Suck

6.30.2009:

The Suckiest Suck In The History of Suck

4:18 PM

It's hardly new, but I was reminded by a friend of mine today of Kel's Photo Creations.

Usually, I'm very supportive of people who are just learning Photoshop, or just starting out in art and design. Hell, I'm usually supportive of people who've been doing it for years and just suck at it. And I'm downright pleased to support the mentally handicapped when they pick up crayons and produce something creative. But I believe deeply, as do the Dead Milkmen, that there's a special place in hell for people who just won't learn to color right, and yet have the unmitigated gall to charge for it.

I hate these kinds of "artists." These are talentless hacks who spend their lives being talentless hacks whilst hiding under a layer of shame that masquerades as "My Art." They refuse to learn a skill, much less improve on it. They get some idea in their head that, because they can type "Photoshop" and "Torrent" in Google and find an enabler for their particular brand of bad ideas, they have the right to actually do something with it. But who I hate more are the morons who actually hand over good money for the privilege of having their soul sucked right out of their eye sockets by this evil demon:

GNAR I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL BLEAGH

And then there's this little gem, which I've dubbed The Poorly Laid-Out Collage of Eye Death:

Hi! We're sad to be in this picture!

And what more can one say about this picture that isn't already said by the event horizon that was just created inside your monitor the second you loaded it, due to the severe amount of pure suck:

The bows... The Eyes... The Lips... The cutout of the hair...
Why, it's color by numbers, only with letters,
and they all add up to spell out "SUCK"

What the FUCK? How does one get by doing this shit without ever Googling "good art" and seeing what they're up against? What's more, how did anyone ever hand over a check for this ungodly thing?

If you're reading this, Kel, you suck. You suck you suck you suck. There's no school you can go to, there's no class you can take... Just fucking stop. With art entirely, I mean. And if you refuse to take that bit of advice, at least stop polluting the internet with it. I'd rather see fan fiction illustrations of Decepticons fucking than your grabasstic crap.

Yeah, uh... Don't click that link. Seriously.

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8 Comments:

Leslie said...: umm...where are my pictures? Do I possibly suck LESS than someone else?; 6/30/2009 5:06 PM
CallieMo said...: Wow, nothing like "correcting" skin until it looks like a death mask.

And the eyes...I'm gonna go have nightmares now.; 6/30/2009 5:19 PM
Gary d said...: That isn't a joke is it? ;(; 6/30/2009 5:24 PM
amy grace said...: Well, Joe, did you read the special note on the website?

"(Note...eyelashes will look odd unless they are viewed at 50 or 100%)"

Obviously, you're viewing these at the wrong resolution and the "odd" eyelashes are throwing you off.; 6/30/2009 7:05 PM
Lelon said...: I haven't even seen Revenge of the Fallen yet and don't think I will be able too. Not with out flash backs of Starscream polishing Megatron's nob. At least I think that was Megatron. I could not bring myself to look long enough to be sure.
Oh and the other pictures would have given me nightmares had I not seen the aformentioned Transformer picture... So thanks I think.; 6/30/2009 10:09 PM
TenDeuChen said...: That was some sweet Decepticon lovin'. Now, where can I find Optimus sodomizing Megatron? ...but wow I didn't know that kind of thing existed... holy fuck, people are a screwed up bunch...; 7/01/2009 12:19 AM
Dan said...: Having severe Geocities flashbacks here...

It's like Gonterman meets portrait photography! Just needs a few wolves and some lightning.; 7/01/2009 4:21 PM
Bill said...: Sorry, Dude.

I clicked on that link. I really wish I hadn't. Really I do.; 7/02/2009 5:43 PM