The Journal of Joe The Peacock. Yay.

3.18.2010:

A Joe Peacock Podcast? WHAT???

10:22 PM

Yeah, I don't know either. I don't think I'd make a good podcast person. For one, I am retarded. Second, I'm boring.

But I am now officially a recurring co-host on Pixelated Live, which is the Pixelated Geek podcast. And every Monday night at 10:30pm Eastern / 7:30pm Pacific, I'm gonna get on the mic and rock that shit or something.

But I've been told by several people that they'd watch a weekly show where I just go off on crap. I don't know why they'd want to do that. But they said it, so... Who knows. If you were to watch a Joe Peacock podcast, what the heck would you want to see (besides my naked buttocks)?

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3.17.2010:

Discomfort In Friendship and Chess

9:36 AM

Those of you who have seen me give talks (or readings, or seen me on Pixelated Live, or merely attempted conversation with me) know that I have a very peculiar sense of humor. I tend to be overly blunt, especially when I first meet someone, and doubly especially when they think they're going to be the "funny guy" and try to catch me off guard... Usually by making some sort of reference to my last name, Peacock.

"OH I GET IT!" I'll shout. "You're referring to the fact that my last name contains the word "cock," as in penis. And this is funny to you. You know what I find funny? Vaginal discharge! Isn't it a hoot?" That'll teach that Presbyterian minister to go snickering at my name ever again... Motherfucker.

I find it best to go ahead and put people off-balance immediately, both in life and in chess. The moment someone sits down to play chess with me, I'll pick the black side and then move first anyway. And my first move is to castle my king with a pawn, and if they look at me funny, I stand up and shout "FUCKING CHALLENGE IT, I DARE YOU!" I snarl and I pound my fist into my palm and I state very clearly that if they dare question the move, I'll beat their face in and then pour lemon juice in the wounds.

You see? It throws them right off their game. They concede, and my "W's" go up another tick.

It's not like I can help it, either - it's my instinct. I can't help it. It's not some act - I just think it's best to whap people over the head with my personality from the get-go and see what kind of stuff they're made from. It immediately lets me know if I can be friends with that person or not - and it's remarkably effective.

Except it did get me expelled from the Chess club in high school. The guys who ran that club could NEVER be my friend.

And that's why I love Drew Curtis, Jon Lee and Peter Zillmann - fantastic guys who never flinch in the face of my insanity. And of course my wife Andrea and my friend Mike, neither of whom are linkable. Except that they are in my book, which I guess I can link here too. Today was the sort of morning where I was able to interact with all of these people and fully appreciate the greatness of their friendship.

But none of them will play Chess with me. I wonder why not.

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3.16.2010:

The New Gig - My AOL Articles

12:15 PM

So far, the response on the articles I've filed with AOLNews has been really great. People seem to be laughing, and I'm getting a good bit of email.

Actually, I'm getting a LOT of email. A metric buttload, in fact. And most of it is nice, but a few of them have been from very, very crazy people. Take, for instance, this woman who wrote in response to the article about the guy finding Jesus in a skillet full of burnt bacon:

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Message for Joe Peacock
Date: Sat, 13 Mar 2010 09:47:15 EST
From: [redacted]
To: joe@joethepeacock.com

Hi Joe,

I just read the story on the man seeing Jesus in his pan of burnt bacon. It warms my heart to see the way Jesus shows up in the most inconspicuous places for those who believe. My mom says I find Jesus everywhere I go. I don't know if it's me finding Him or Him finding me but I like it.

One day, while I was sitting on my bed and just dazing into nothing I seen a tiny picture of Jesus sitting on my desk. When I seen it I thought how small of a picture it was and didn't remember having a picture of Jesus that little. I pulled at it and it came out easy and it was no picture at all. It was a receipt to a very well known store. If you want to know which store all you have to do is write me back and I'll tell you. If you know or have any idea's which store it is then please let me know. I have intended for years to let the store know but to date have not. Reading this story makes me want to share my story too. It's amazing the power our Lord has and how desperately He wants our love.

Thanks,

[redacted]

...I mean, WOW. And I'm sorry, [redacted], I don't mean to insinuate that I think you're crazy or wrong. It's just that I don't think you really undersand the point of what I do or why I do it. People who see the face of Jesus in anything aren't necessarily to be avoided - I mean, I can see the face of Jesus in the things people see the face of Jesus in. It looks like Jesus because it looks like Jesus. No brainer.

I just don't put any value to it. It's a clever way of painting a picture, I guess... But I think if God wants to send us signs, things like this are pretty silly mediums when you have volcanoes, earthquakes, and world-ending meteors at your disposal.

Plus, I think that any message from the divine beyond really should be more important than a simple "Hi there, just thinking of you." I want the secrets to life and a reason for existing, not "Yo Dawg, I know you pray for bacon, so I put my face in it so you can worship while you worship."

And yeah, I'm taking shots at other journalists and traditional media in my Fark-releated pieces. Because that's what Fark is all about - but more than that, it's because I'm sick to death of fluff and nonsense being bandied about like it's news. I do realize this is the internet, and as such, there's an infinite amount of space for an infinite amount of crap to be published - but videos of cats playing pianos with an orchestrated accompanyment are not the same as "news organizations" doing everything except reporting actual news.

It's not a content issue, it's a context issue. And yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm making enemies. It's nothing new; I've been doing that since I was a teenager. I routinely target things I never want any part of and hack at them with impunity.

I'm not really a fan of burning bridges... I prefer to take them out with a missle launcher before I even get to them.

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3.11.2010:

Joe + AOLNews = Probably Awesome... Maybe

9:16 PM

So, I'm sure just the headline alone brought a groan and possibly a "Wait, WHAT?" But yes, I'm now a contributor for AOLNews.

Why: Well, the biggest thing is that AOL has a MASSIVE audience, and the type of writing I'll be doing is right up my alley: if you like articles I've done like The Insane Energy Drink Experiment or How To Actually Get A Decent Tattoo or How to Actually Win A Fist Fight, you'll likely love what I'm going to be doing with AOLNews. I'm working on a regular column which will basically put me in the path of the most insane, disastrous things happening in our society right now, using me as an example to others how things like The Taco Bell Diet and Acai Berries might not actually be smart things to build your life around.

Why AOL: It might seem a bit weird for someone like me to be working with something like AOL. But there's a few things going on over there that have me really encouraged. AOL is completely revamping the brand and their efforts are moving toward becoming a fully-fledged, original news and content group. And if you look at their team page, they've got some HUGE talent signing on. Ex-Google president Tim Armstrong is running the place, and he's no dummy. They've jettisoned the wire-based news they used to offer in favor of completely original stuff.

It seems like they're really taking the rebranding and new direction seriously. Instead of just talking about a new direction while doing the same old crap, they're seriously moving a completely different way - and they're doing so smartly, by experimentation and testing, keeping what's working and abandoning the failing bits.

Why it is probably awesome, maybe: Okay, look at that team page I linked above. Pulitzer prize winners. Writers from ABC, NBC, FOX, AP, Reuters... And then, the tattooed dork who got puked on during his first sexual experience and who set fire to a Hooters. Yeah... Not the same league. Not even the same sport, actually. But I'm going to do my best to make you guys laugh. I'm not out to reboot the world of journalism with some zany, madcap version of writing that'll set the world alight and make me famous. I just want to make some funny things that people have the opportunity to read, and this seems like a great opportunity to do that. I hope you agree.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share this with you guys. And no, I won't be blogging less here (despite the last, like, two weeks being a complete wasteland here - more on that tomorrow). If anything, I'll be putting up a LOT more stuff here, as there'll inevitably be stuff I pitch to my editors that won't make the cut - and I won't let it just die a soft death.

But yeah, that just happened.

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2.24.2010:

I Don't Get ChatRoulette.

10:19 AM

If you don't know what ChatRoulette is by now, you're probably going to agree with me here, because you're probably the type of person who just couldn't imagine why the thing is even remotely fun or useful. What was once a Reddit mainstay has become a playground for the MySpace set, and I just plain don't get it.

Okay, I "get" it, in terms of how it works. It's intuitive, and it does what it does pretty well. And I also understand why certain people would want to use it, much the same way I understand why certain people like the Greatful Dead or tapioca.

But I don't get why the hell anyone actually wants to do this. It seems akin to the modern version of those 1-900 or 976 dial-up party lines, where you spend far too much time hoping you get a hot chick, but 99 times out of 100, it's just a hairy or very young dude with his penis out under the desk hoping YOU'RE a hot chick. And if you DO get a hot chick, she bounces within two seconds.

And now, it's all over the news. And the main point of most, if not all, of mainstream media's coverage of the site is essentially "THERE'S A NEW INTERNET WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET THAT COULD LEAD TO EXPOSURE TO A PENIS OR VAGINA. HOW THIS WILL AFFECT YOUR WEEKEND, AT 11."

This is what happens when normal people get ahold of special things like the internet. It turns stupid.

I will say that I found this video that Jeremy sent me highly amusing, and it sums up 99.9% of the reason I won't spend much more than a second on any service even remotely like ChatRoulette: